edwin I miss u today and I hope that you never talk to me. its not because I don't want to, because today is one of those days that I can so easily pick up the phone and start msging you or calling you. I miss how you'd pout or just listen while I rant. I miss how you'd show up and make my day. i know that it'd be so hard for us to work out mostly because you love me so much more than I love you. And I could deal with that. But I do not think it is good enough to deal. I love you. I don't know if you know this. and each time I let go I cry because spending a lifetime with you would be my privilege, one that I do not think I would ever fully appreciate. It hurts so bad that I want you to be the one to make me happy and I feel so much emptiness. -------------- Earth Fire, that is what I aspire to be. And there is so much to learn to get there.

I'm all in a muddle and I just want a hug. And I have pushed everyone away. I wished I had someone who whom I could just hold. Catch my breath from all that is zooming past me. I dont want to fall into old traps. Failure is what I feel. make a plan, follow it through one step at a time. that a girl. no one is going to open doors for you or pat you on the back you have a long way to go. when and if you fall in love. I dare you to get your heart broken. because at least the pain would be so great you wont have to feel loneliness.