i'm still here... it's been some time.. and if you are look for bad news you are't getting any.. sorry... i'm crazy in love with my baby.. and there's pretty much nothing i wouldn'tdo for him.. maybe except kill.. all thanks to the book i'm reading.. but back to the point.. life without andrew would be unbearable, i think we've been giving a lot of thot o where do we go from here.. and how fragile everything seems to be... i love him and i want to be with him.. but deep down i do have my doubts.. i think i'm denial that i'm over ariel.. which i'm obvious not... i love both those boy on so many different levels.. and all i want is to clear my head... i love my baby..i want to be with him.. hold him close.. take him all in... i love him from the way he smells to the crazy n silly things he does impulse cooking... i want to be so sure that i want to spend my life with him.. but i'm not.. and its eating me from the inside.. i know he doesnt expect me too.. but i want to give.. keep giving.. he deserves it..

we talked about it yesterday... about marrying someone who loves you or someone you love more

he said that he'll marry someone who loves him more
mainly cos he doesnt want the shorter end of the stick...
he hates that feeling. n i would understand why

n i chose to marry someone i loved more
it doesnt matter.. if ilove the person
i guess mommy also complains that she gives n gives n gives
n never gets anything in return
well i think that in love ishouldnt be selfishn want it formyself..
n that i should give till it hurts..
right about now.. if andrew were to cheat on me
hehe.. though he would never..
just cos its me.. i would forgive..

i love him that much..

spending monday with him was insane...
just lying there with him.. timejust flies by
and though i think that what we do is wrong..
i love every bit of it.. and i dun know what to think..
but we spend a lo of time talking too..
which was really sweet..
i'm afraid oflosing him when he leaves for the US
n he is afrad that i would find someone better

i dun want anyone better.. all i want is andrew..
flaws n all.. although i see no flaws..
he saw what jo n anna had
nd thenhe sees us...
how would we last like they did..
i know what he means he doesn have to say it

he's so cute... the other day he wrot on his arm..
"ur too gd for me"
baby dun you ever say that..
i love you and i've fallen for you
i cant help it..

ur always saying all this sweet thing to me..
well...
i've never felt so secure in my life
for the first time ever, i feel beautiful and comfortable with my body..
and its because of you
you stand up for me..
and you give me my space but always reminding me that
your here to catch me when i fall

beforei thot thati was pretty much doomed in relationships..
but youtook me by the hand
and made everythin seem so simple

in you i find strength, comfort, solace, happiness, love