I'm going to find someone to love, I'm not going to sit around and wait for it to happen to me. If I do meet someone, I'll be bolder.. lol.. I bet i'd chicken out...

moody

Its when you lost all interest. and you hate the predictability of the responses, yuck! I hate the eagerness to please and baby gurgling cuteness of the response. Piss off! I hate the way you try to hold the small of my back to push me through doors the way you just had to stroke my arm to tell me you were going to for moments. Just say and leave, I hate it when you treat me like a delicate piece of glass. I am human you know!!! Of course I'll be fucking moody if you make me watch a sub-par chickflick. Hate the way you HAVE TO pause the movie when I go and wash my hands. I'm annoyed that everything you think is = to a universal truth for ALL. and that it needs to have a $$ value before You give a shit!

Okay... now that I have done my clearing space... I shall VOW to never go on a one on one with this person again
Cya dude!

What a difference a day makes. I totally have to stop praising Perth. In front of my eyes, he's going behind the back of someone he loves to hang out with Nic. Yup Nic. Funny huh...

I wasnt going to meet Perth 3 days in a row, not going to go prawning, not when my family has so much to do today and tmr. Amazing!! They went out! All this is very shocking. What line would you draw? has be crossed that line...

If you say its all about intention? Well, there IS intention. Never thought I would be the one to break Andrew and the woman of his dreams apart. So much for being made for each other.

I said something yesterday to Kenneth, it was impulsive. I shouldn't have said it. I keep bringing it up, so I guess it can only be true.

We were talking about how CK and Michelle are seeing other people, I was surprised that they each moved on so quickly. And in the midst of that, I said, "its's been one and and half years, and I can't see myself with anyone else".

So much for thinking that I've let go. I don't want to be in this spot. It sucks. Its no longer because I'm masochistic and torturing my wellbeing is a past time of mine. Singlehood is rockin', Work is great, dance is good, friends are awesome :)

I no longer beat myself up with regret, or feel apologetic for the trouble maker I was. I acknowledge on many level we will never see eye to eye. Types of movies, personal space, how to spend time, music, food, toe crossing, multi tasking, texting, driving... And yet, I can't put my finger on it.

Fuck it. I loss the chance to love him.

He's so busy now, I hope that each day passes without a hitch. That when he wakes up at noon that someone remembered to leave leftovers for him to spazezz. I probably dont need to see him, I just wanna give.

I don't understand it. So much for preaching that I should wait for someone who's into me. But when I do get people in my life like that.. I often reply with one word answers. Answer their questions with another question.. let them enjoy the sound of their own voice. And even those I know what they are saying is not completely accurate, I let them carry on.. I don't want that.

Its been way too long.. I havent had to worry about anything except work now. I need to get a move on. One the otherhand, I haven't. That means something right?

after hearing what many had to say...

I am determined to make my next relationship my last. As they say in poker, an "All in" rls. To follow through with an open heart, to give till my world opens up. That it doesn't matter if it begins out of convenience or from romance, what's important is that I make it work. No more thinking that I am not good enough. Sometimes its okay to know that my guy can do it, take my hands off the steering wheel occasionally, I need to let him lead the way.

That I deserve more than I expect, and that no matter what, even if I were to fall out of love, I have lived with no reagrets.

I know that I can never have back what I had with either of them. But let all that time, effort and grave mistakes go to waste...

Is it really important to know that I'm safe? I didn't think it was that big a deal. Never had the want to be taken care of to be worried over, further more I'll never allow it. It was never in my upbringing. I can't imagine my dad fussing over me, but I guess I could get use to it. It annoys me sometimes. Being fussed over makes me feel that I'm incapable to do it on my own, that I'm now objectified. I know it sounds terribly illogical, but thats the anxiety I feel when you someone leads me by the waist or tells me to phone them when they get home.

thinking back, I did experience all the hallmarks of a great relationships. Now it's just time for me to make the change.

For Perth, he really needs to strike that balance between who he is, the person he was and the gurgling bumbling idiot that his gf has turned him into. I saw a side of him yesterday. Not through what he did, but what he didn't do that honestly surprised me. I let a good one get away again. Then again, I'm glad I did.

Cass has just "cut ties"with me... Woo~~ *shocking*
OMG thats so juvenile.
Strangely enough I thought I would be more hysterical about it, but you know people come and people go. I can't stop them from doing the things that they want.

I just think that calling me a fucked up friend is seriously uncalled for. But if you dare call me something like that, then you jolly well get the fuck out of my life. I've come to realise that my world was very narrow especially when she was there to skew my judgement. Now that I've got the chance to breathe. Life without a friend like that will be just fine.

Back then, I don't know who needed who more. All I know, its over.

after hanging out with him today.. I have my doubts. He's a MCP. It annoys me when he links everything to its economic value and the way he holds my elbow or back when we walk in crowds.

I'm not going to be in a hurry to find someone, never make the mistakes in the past and take Perth's advise and keep reminding myself to never settle for anything less than someone with a good heart. Not just anyone, but someone who bears in mind me :)

Thats a nice thought.

this thing with J and M is getting annoying. Think I need to clear up the mess.

Its funny how what one person's opinion can change your perspective. How a single sentence can evoke supressed memories. In an instance, lives can change. Reminiscing can cause feelings to stir.

Hearing ariel question our past, recall the good old days. Not to mention lying on the tramp makes me think of when we were is school. The many night spent playing bridge, wondering how our lives would turn out. I never really thought I'd have turned out like this.. hmm.. But I like myself.

"What if we did get together?" he suddenly said. Maybe I should have thought of something more witty to say, but I replied flatly "its hard to say..."

Thing is... If we were together, I doubt i would have lasted. Andrew put up with a lot more shit than Ariel could ever have. What I miss most is someone to hold and be held. Now from time to time think back on those times.... Haiz.. but upon hearing his question, I'm brought back to a time that I have long forgotten. Those were moments were magic.. How could I have forgotten?!??!

Perth today said that there is a greater pain than loneliness after a breakup. God thats depressing. I'll avoid that like the plague.

Funny that you would ask to meet today. How can I say no to such a good friend. For the first time since I balled my eyes out, I lay on the trampoline to watch the stars with you. It takes me back to old days, we use to do it all the time. Where have all those days gone?

How am I to know what would have been the outcome if we had gotten together? Whatever it is, it'll probably be very different. But I think it's a good thing that you didn't. You were spared from all the headache, LSE that I felt. I know better now. I deserve to be loved.

Its only now that I am beginning to come into my own, get things going right for me. Making things happen.

Wow.. Marry by 25? I couldn't.

Why am I still single? How am I to know?! I can't be dating myself. There's no hurry anyway.

was something wrong with me? maybe it's the air I breathe.
after listening to the huddle of questions and what ifs
maybe I all this time, I wasn't looking for someone to spend time with
instead, someone to replace
should have known better ehh, there's not another
I should be looking for someone who shows me care
someone I want to shower with affection
how could I've been this clouded
for with this fresh eyes and perspective
I know now who I wanna be with...

He's made the last year bearable
and gone out of his way to make me smile
I'm nervous to tell him
don't know what I'll do when I see him

After Amin's wedding the trainers came over for supper and chit chat, but the ulterior motive was to jump on the trampoline..

Anyhow, they've noticed and I agree that I've been spending too much time with J. Especially with all the piano lessons and stuff, I hate being put in a fix. Can't I have friends? Think I need to hang out with Joey, Cheryl, Andrea and HuiMin more...

I really just want to be left alone... I mean its tough that Gary is making fun of Max in front of my fucking face. It really unnerving. But this too? I won't date people from work. It just makes things complicated and worst of all I won't date K either.

I know that andrew is right about Idealising the people that you miss. I guess there is a convenience in reminiscing, its familiar you dont have to navigate the ins and outs of another person all over again. Thats just time consuming. But I hope I know better and remember that all the "getting to know" part of dating is all neccessary.

Don't want to be tied down just yet.. nope even amin's wedding won't change my mind just yet. I must say.. I never seen someone smile like he did last night. From the heart. What he shared last night wasn't the least bit cheesy like I imagined it to be. Maybe love like that can happen.