hmm.. Could it be that G lied to me. And if he did, that he is really someone to avoid. The question now is, do I ask him about it, or should I just abandon him as a lost cause.

When you have been alone for so long, and someone comes along and showers you with this much attention. Its hard.. Real hard to let it go unnoticed. Its like muddy water to parched lips..

I realised after watching Bel and Perth that.. actually it doesnt really matter who you date, people generally feel happy for you. And you have that companion that can fill that void in your life. Why worry about it being wrong or incompatible. Leave that to when you file for irreconcilable differences. They look so happy together, I am getting jealous.

today cass, lynn both decided to come and chat with me...

both were met with very different reactions..

For lynn was met with open arms.. I am looking forward to meeting her when she returns for her Bdae. And maybe.. I say Maybe fly up with her when she goes back at the end of summer.

But when Cass messaged me, I was shocked confused and my instinct was to call Cheryl. Which I did. And give her a heads up. Well we exchanged 2 sentences, rather force and jerky responses. Courteous non the less. But seriously.. that is all she is getting. The last 2 times I spoke to her... Poor Cheryl was up will 4am in the morning listening to Shing ramble. Let that NEVER happen again.

With Andrew.. I am don't know what's up with you.. YOU reading this.. yea.. its fine to read.. BUT since you read this.. I do not know what you are up to. Can't we chat.. like normal people.. I mean if you hate me or something.. just shout at me and say bugger off.. and I will. But one moment you say you are a friend.. I would like to give you some advise( good advise I might add) then the next moment you ignore me. I pray not purposely.. I am just so confused.. your friendship means a lot to me and to lose that is like loosing a very impt part of my life. Yet sometimes I feel that keeping ties with you is a futile attempt to reconnect. I get the feeling that you don't want anything to do with me.

Then when we do get into the groove of chatting.. then I'm left thinking that I assessed the situation wrongly. just am really confused..

about this saturday.. I know that I dont really want to bump into Andrew. I do not know how its going to be and stuff.. But I have been following and I want to be there..

Then I thought about all the people I know who could possibly want to go too. There is Weoi Tang, who is keen, however wants more people to come along.. understandably.. but my clubbing friends are his friends... Then there is Greg who I thought wasn't speaking to me. As it turns out.. maybe against my better judgement I did ask him about it.. and shockingly, he did reply.. no guarantees he said.. but its better than not finding anyone..

Then Kenneth asked when what I am doing this weekend... And so in response I asked him about Zouk. He seems to be totally dumbfounded that I listen to House.. sheesh.. So here I am hoping that someone would go along. And calling people..

I am searching for clubbing buddies...

its really strange that he wont call me back or even reply my messages. And though it doesn't really hurt but I am disappointed. We talked and hung out, it was a tonne of fun. And when I stood up for myself he disappeared..

I guess its for the best that we are on our separate ways.

----

I finally got to see Perth back from china.. He looks good, but as usual, he embroiled in the love web on the century.

I'm glad not to be involved in it. A bystander in for the fun ride (as an observer of course) Its funny that he'd probably the person that I am closest too now. And I think its true what Fel said. Like her, I'm worried that I'll get too close. But I know better than to put myself in a place that I could be lied to, misled and cheated on. I guess its fine listening to the stories, trusting and having his full disclosure. But I have heard how he has hurt so many people.. yesterday the story involves - Jessica, JQ, Belinda, Vivian, JL.. and all pretty much at the same time.. haiz..


deep breath.. I hope that I can be happy always.

he wanted to tell me something, so I walked over to his place. And in the midst of it all.. amongst the I miss her and the disease is worst than expected, he said something that I didn't believe he'll say.. And I didn't say what I could say. I think its for the best.

but this is the first time in a long time that I feel someone understands me and I know that he'll watch over me. He might not love me, that I think we'll not happen either way.. it's also the first time, in a long time, that I want to run to him, tell him that everything is all okay now that he's here. And I want to be more than friends.

The deal however is sealed, the moment passed long ago.

I am glad we did take that trip. I don't know if it was for the best yet. Fingers crossed.