I know it is probably not the wisest thing to post here. I know that from time to time you come here to. It was our way to communicate, maybe it was my way to communicate.. Maybe deep deep down I want you see what I feel.

The last month has been complicated in the most uncomplex of ways it has been made simple by my belief that it is. I really apprecite that everything between us is unalterated.

It has taken me this long to realise that I do not want to be in a relationship, although from time to time.. oh I miss it so much. It has been a lot of growing alot of re-tracing the steps that I took before. A lot about confidence and not hiding behind andrew. I will continue to work hard to keep this up, I make that choice everyday.

Without a doubt I free for him, and the young man that he has become. Had I been so blinded that I have never noticed his maturity, his compassion.

I do admit that I feel a little lost, that I am daunted by what I should do next. I am afraid that I will never make anything of myself. And most of all I will never be able to allow myself to love with all my being.

I do agree with Cass that in many aspects I do hold myself back. I think I really need to stop that. But baby steps. Just like how andrew always said. i hate my stupidity for not realising how much a pillar of strength he is/was in my life for how much he had to hold back because I was holding back.

He deserves someone really special. I'm sorry I was never that for you. All the best in your life. I'll let you go on your way now... thanks for everything. so long..