I mustered up some to cross my Ts and dot my Is; as I should have done many moons ago. I left all his stuff hidden from sight. Not that it is a burden, or that I am afraid to let go. Its that I acknowledge our life together and throwing that away does not do that justice.

After all these late nights talking about relationships, and since I'm doing all this clearing for tmr's garage sale. I took out those pictures that I hid away, and finally removed them from their frames.

And as I peeled off the picture, it only reveals more, pressed in between are messages in a bottle. It stings, though just a little. Strange to this all that affection was mine for the taking, and I felt so little of it. Well. I've learnt.

I've realised, in a big way that I've missed out. And being an adult just makes things so much more complicated. Maybe it'll also make things satisfying when it all falls into place.

I remain slightly optimistic, hopeful. Though sometimes afraid of the wide world, the big unknown. It is easy to fall back on the things that are familiar and easy. But I commit to never let that happen to me.

Kudos to baby steps, to finding strength from within.


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Allways .. I know when you wrote it you meant every word. I promise to be that brave, to bare my heart and soul for whoever is willing to join me on my ride. He always amazed me that he was so sure. Though I know now, it is too late for us. I only hope that maybe soon our paths may cross and we can begin to become friends again.

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thats the thing about feelings, you can just flip a switch and walk away. I bared my soul, and it did not lead anywhere. But I ain't broke. I know he has a commitment to her and I can't stand in between. Then who am I to you. I refuse to be the messy part of the equation.

Ariel I know once we could have made all this work out. but maybe our time has passed. That one night driving you home and having our heart to heart was my "what if". Don't make it out to be more than that. I know you can't promise anything. and boy that hits a nerve. didn't think you could hurt me. I am not so sure now.

I seem to struck with tough luck.

i think the worst of it all, it that he doesn't have a clue how I feel. I bet on some level, under all that tough exterior there is someone working as hard or harder than I am to make sense of his feelings.

maybe like him I should wish that no time has passed and that we were way back when all things were simple and dandy. then there would be no expectation, no one who gets hurt of disappoint. The truth is, I am not so sure if I want that. I know that hurt is my afternoon shadow.

Despite all the positivity I feel about the world, about him. when I think about us I can't be too sure.

Maybe I shouldn't care who gets hurt.

its my turn to be muddled. and I am here to unmuddle.

Kenneth asked Ariel what is his relationship with Stacey. And it tore my heart to hear that he is the one who asked for the break up. and that he is the one still keeping her close. That in all this. I might be played, and in inadvertently I am hurting Stace and myself.

I mean in a bubble, we are happy. The world turns and all is good but I refuse to live in any bubble.

All I want to do is run as far as I can, but no where would be far enough to get away from him. I guess you're saying that it is too late. I wish we were back in school when everything was simpler. It is not.

You are going to be one facet of my life. and until things change, I promise to not make him a priority.

What a contrast to last week. I know I said I won't be hurt, but it does already. Never thought it would.

now that I see everything more clearly. I feel more so that for the right reasons I walked away. It hurt so bad, and more than anything I hurt him.

but that is no reason to allow him to still use me, and I pretend that we had something that had ended.

I feel angry. I feel disappointed for getting hurt. I'm not absolved of responsibility but neither is it not his fault. I hate to admit that I was. I feel used.

I look forward to putting that behind me

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I know you've been so busy, though I've not seen you, held you. I feel so complete. I look forward to spending my life with you.. You looked at me and promised that you always want to be a part of my life. you stole my heart. cheesy but true.

biggest fear is that I'd get over reliant on you.

I am amazed how sure I am of us. That despite being with you I still feel "wen" self-assured.

Amazed by you..