Dear Andrew,

I never consider myself the jealous sort, yet... it has to be over, its been too long. What is this that I am feeling? yes I have said hurtful things. I know those wounds cut deep. I relive those moments, it was a shitty thing, those things I did.

Seeing now everything that you gave up for me. gave in to me. put up with. It in the loneliest of moments I would do anything to call you my friend. my companion, my love..

I know that you have everything that you have now, its going great. I am not there in your way. That everything is going awesome. Glad you're doing great, I'm glad you are glad.

I look at you and see all the things about you that I was too afraid to love. I see the quirks and the personality that I fought with. I understand why I did the things I did. Yet those things seems so trivial now. Sometimes I wonder if what I am feeling now is the retribution for the emotional roller coaster ride that I took you on. I can only guess so.

Dear friend I miss be able to talk to you. I know that it has ended, the us is gone. It hurts, a hurt thats bearable. it'll ease eventually.

I am just glad that you're happy. You'll always have a friend in me.

Maybe sometimes I miss you, but just a little. Seeing you makes my heart skip a beat. Buddy you are the coolest person I know. You have made an amazing difference in my life. I hope you know that.


With love,

Trina

For the first time
his face ain't come to mind
I laid there wondering ifs
warmth in the arms of another
not yours

its the first time
I've wanted to share, just because
but it was not him I thought of

Curled up thinking when
l'd like to feel that way again
smile to myself that it could, maybe someday soon

I think this is good progress.I cant wait till he gets home. I CANT WAIT! I'm counting the days till he returns. I dont know what i'll say or do when he does come home. Shit.. I'm falling.. i'm so blinded.. there is so many things about him that I've marked as NOs.. and yet..

I'm looking forward to this weekend too. I'm clear where I draw my line. I'm so proud!! I hope he doesnt mind me being there. wanna support him, party hard.. but i'll stay away.. I know better than to intrude..

Occasionally I have moments of clarity and hope that I'll find someone that I can share the simple things with. hold my hand from time to time, enjoy a nice movie, say hi back... Man.. I need a pet...

i would like to cut out the great parts of people I've met along the way and piece it all together.. I know a hybrid/mutant probably doesnt exist. Right now I think anything would do..

I want nothing more than for you hear you whisper, smile when it reminds you of the good and bad times. The way it does when my heart skips a beat. I love you even before I knew it or cared to admit. It was a long time ago.. we talked while you laid miles away on the grass with beer in hand. there are many things I'll do over, maybe hold on to you and never let go. Smile a little more,hug you a little tighter.. a little longer.. run my fingers through your hair. I wanna do all those things again. But I regret to say that I have to press on and leave you behind. I'm sorry, I love you.. I never said it.. I never meant it like I mean it now. I bet its too late, whatever it is, its gone.. I never took the things you said seriously, never understood how you loved silly me. I had to learn the hard way, I dragged you on for the ride.. you have a special place in my heart baby boy.. you are my world.. I love how you make time stand still when you hold me.

I'm starting to forget your kisses.. the times you walked me home.. I'm starting to forget.. I'm afraid.

they were good times while it lasted.. So Fuck it! He's not coming back. You've got to stop writing all this shit. Its been such a fucking long time, get over it! ARGH!!!!~~

it just means that I better fucking treasure what I have, love till it hurts, be vulnerable not weak. he'll want me to learn that. Baby boy I miss you. I want cuddles.. kisses.. more..

i think I'm so screwed up..

I would like someone that asks me out for a change, wants to spend time with me doing things outdoors, random things. someone who's interested to know more about me. watch me dance, allows me to take part in his life, never ever put me down or judges my actions, ambitious in better self, i hope to find him...

haiz.. catharsis.