E just dropped me off at home and I was done with everything in 30 mins flat.. I still had time to whip out the guitar learn half a sone and now thinking about it, I have brushed my teeth nor washed up or more importantly eaten my medicine..

but I found the time to dedicate a song to L and replay perth about why am I attached and why its not to diver..



I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go


I think its a completely different type of attraction, I couldn't make you see it, and could sit around wishful thinking. And each time I turned to leave I thought about that hug that would make my heart melt and not want to leave.

How could I tell you, someone who knew not how I felt, that I love you more than you'd ever know. that a part of me died when I let you go.

and yes I am happy now, but when I think of you, I want to curl up and just wake tmr. that I some of the things I do, I still do because It makes me feel closer to you.

why is it feeling like I made a big mistake.

this most amazing is loving me, wholeheartedly and from time to time I think about how you are doing... I want to be with you. I wished he was you. But i gave you all of me, and I waited for you to meet me halfway and you never came. And I regret that I did not reach out to you. Now I'd never know if you ever had space in your heart for plain me.

I love you.. I'd say it. May be a better way to say it I loved you. The movies, the lunches, the smses, the long talks and diving.. the studying.. the fitting into each others lives..

now I don't know where we are. friends?

goodbye mister.

Someone else is waiting for me.

this is spinning fast out of my control.
and I don't know if I can manage it.

know I understand why they say love is a little blind.

and my mind is racing.. searching for "what's wrong?"
when I should be appreciating what's right.

there are so many things right and if I looked sure there are somethings that I can fault.

I am not ready for all the things that are panning out. I am afraid but I put up this tough front. I do everything in what I know to be a stable and happy relationship. And though I know it all a big rush, i promised myself that I shouldn't be so uptight about things like that.

he is absolutely amazing, patient, he totally digs me, in his eyes, at least for the time being I can do no wrong. He makes time for me and we enjoy so many things in common, he makes me want to be a better person and reassures me and is not afraid to speak my name. I could love this man deeply.


---

there's that little nagging feeling in my heart that you are making the biggest mistake and that right now, while you can, you should take 10 steps back.

listen, we might not have a lot in common, but when I am with him is like the gravity pull is in his favour. when he hugs me I know that everything right at this very moment is perfect. and when he reaches over it always to put a smile on my face. He reaches out to make sure I'm alright when he breaks too hard, he rubs my bruise until tears weld up in my eyes. But I let him, cause its good for me. and when we study together I get to catch glances of him hard at work.

and I am walking away from that.. the hardest thing to let go.

argh I hate how I get myself into a fix. fuck care.. and focus on E.. He may be the best thing to happen to me.

He met me at the train station and we commuted across the causeway to this wonderful Italian restaurant where I've had my best steak ever! And he took me back across the causeway home. then headed home back across the causeway..

you can say what ever, but when someone does that for you.. he's a keeper!

sure I have worries, and I know that I am not very good at this. I'd do my best.. But he does these things, that he doesn't bat an eyelid, but I think though simple they are understated and amazing..